Almost Lover
by Shyma Tavrott Lupin
Summary: "You're listening to Almost Lover?Did someone hurt you,Jack?"he asked as if he didn't know.As if he didn't know she was crying because of him.As if it didn't tear him apart inside to leave her again.As if he didn't love her just as much as she loved him.
1. Chapter 1

**Almost Lover**

**Characters/Pairings: ****Ian/Jack**

**Genre:** **Romance/Hurt/Comfort**

**Rating: T, just to be safe =]**

**Summary: ****"Almost Lover?" he raised a brow "You're listening to Almost Lover? Did someone hurt you, Jack?" he asked as if he didn't know. As if he didn't know she was crying because of him, because he was leaving again. As if it didn't tear him apart inside to leave her again. As if he wanted anything more than to really comfort her, hold her and let her know everything would be alright. And most of all, as if he didn't love her just as much as, if not more than she loved him. Two-Shot Song Fic, A Fine Frenzy's Almost Lover.**

**Disclaimer: Usually, I don't so these things cause they're very much pointless, but here, I don't own anything except this ratty old compaq laptop, my fingers and my keyboard =]**

**A/N:** **Hey guys! Wow, it's been a while since I've uploaded something. Life has just really been a pain in the ass lately, and I'm trying really hard to get my other chapters finished. So I'm giving this average fanfic format a shot, it's cool with me so far, but tell me what you guys think =]**

**Anywho, this is just something that came to me the other day when I discovered A Fine Frenzy, through her incredible song, Almost Lover. And it instantly reminded me of Ia&Jack. So I thought I'd write a little something for it =] **

**Oh, and just so you know, it is 4:45 am here in the wonderful and amazing New York City, therefore, this is quick and unedited so I must ask you to forgive any grammatical or spelling errors. Nevertheless, Enjoy!**

Jackie "Jack" Starbright felt terrible. She was in one of those moods where she was upset and frustrated beyond even her own comprehension without any way to release it whatsoever. And she had absolutely no idea why either-Well...yes, she did. She was just in horrible denial was all. No, no, it wasn't that either...god, she didn't even know what it was. All she knew was that the reason behind it was Ian. Ian Rider, her strange, slightly mysterious boss was usually the reason for these moods of hers. She loved him with her life, there was no doubt in her mind about that. She had for quite a while now; for the most part of her seven years knowing him. And she would like to believe that he felt the same...but it was so hard to tell with him. Ian was always just so...god, she didn't know what he was. He was...he was...

Jack wanted to throw something. What did she know? She buried her face deeper into her knees that were drawn to her chest, arms wrapped protectively around them. He was leaving. Correction, he was leaving _again_. He'd returned from a business trip just two days ago after two whole months...and now again? No phone calls, no emails, nothing to let her know he was alive for two whole months was torture to her heart. And just the thought of him having to do it again tore her apart. She wanted to cry so badly, but knowing the Riders, someone would inevitably stumble upon her and hassle her with concern and at the moment, god knew if she had to see any of the oh so familiar Rider features right now she would have an emotional breakdown. She spotted the small remote to her stereo on the bed a few feet from where she sat and reached slowly for it. Music, yes that would make her feel better...that or it would fuel her sadness even more. One or the other. She hit the power button and waited for a track to sound.

And her stomach sank as she recognized the song that began playing. A Fine Frenzy's _Almost Lover. _Just great. Just fucking great, just the god damned song that reminded her of Ian every single time she heard it and made her cry. She didn't even remember putting that CD in! A strangled cry escaped her throat and she threw the remote aside in her frustration. Dammit, dammit, dammit! She closed her eyes and buried her face in her knees and tried to relax.

Eventually she felt more exhausted than frustrated and lightly dozed off. And it seemed like she was that was forever before she felt a touch on her shoulder. She jumped up about a foot and quickly shot away from whoever-or whatever it was that touched her.

"Easy there, Jack, it's me" the smooth, charismatic voice of Ian Rider reached Jack's ears. Jack looked up and saw it was indeed Ian, sitting at the edge of her bed, a concerned look on his face and his hand still where it was before Jack shot out from underneath it.

Great, just the person she needed to see right now. "Go away, Ian" she grumbled, looking away from his piercing gray eyes.

"What's wrong?" he spoke, completely disregarding her previous comment.

"Nothing, Ian. Just go away" she repeated.

"Really, because when nothings wrong people don't usually just burst into tears, run out on breakfast and lock themselves in their rooms" Ian said with soft humor in his voice. Jack opened her mouth to say something, but almost as if Ian had read her mind, he beat her to it, "I picked the lock."

"I didn't even hear you come in..."

"That was kind of the point" Ian said. When Jack didn't reply, he remained silent and listened to the song humming in the background for a moment. "Almost Lover?" he raised a brow "You're listening to Almost Lover? Did someone hurt you, Jack?" he asked...as if he didn't know. As if he didn't know she was crying because of him, because he was leaving again. As if it didn't tear him apart inside to leave her again. As if he wanted anything more than to really comfort her, hold her and let her know everything would be alright. And most of all, as if he didn't love her just as much as, if not more than she loved him.

"...Yes" she muttered after a long time, still refusing to look at him.

"Who? Which...worthless man would bother to hurt you, knowing that I'm here to personally deal with him?" Ian tried to joke. Jack remained unresponsive. And after a while, when Ian realized that trying to cheer her up wasn't going to help, he reached out a hand towards her and gently placed it on her shoulder. "Jack-" but before he could get any further, she spun around, moved closer to him, threw her arms around his tightly packed torso (she still wasn't sure how the banker kept himself so fit...), buried her face into his chest...and cried. The second the smell of Ian's strong Davidoff cologne hit her, she broke down and just began crying. Not even caring anymore that he was her boss and that to this point there had been a line that she never would have crossed. Now however, all that had gone out the window, and all that mattered to her was keeping Ian close.

And Ian, instead of speaking, hesitantly brought his arms around her back and held her close in a comforting embrace.

"Don't go" she whispered after a while, still sobbing. It vaguely occurred to her that she was staining his rather nice looking dress shirt, and his tie as well, but she really didn't care. Maybe all the ruined clothes would convince him to stay...

"I'll only be gone for two weeks this time" Ian replied softly.

"Cornwall is far..."

Ian chuckled "I've been to Spain, Italy and America before, and you're telling me Cornwall is far?"

"I just don't want you to go-I don't think I can handle the stress of worrying about you for months and months on end anymore. I am physically no longer able to handle it" she choked out. "It'd be good for all of us...if you could take a vacation or something..."

"I can't, Jack, this is my job. If I get fired, then you get fired and I don't think _I_ can physically handle you being that far-" Ian abruptly stopped himself. _Too much, Rider, too much _He chastised himself _Too much emotion. Stop it now. Leave. Say goodbye and leave. _"Listen, Jack, I have to go...I'm going to miss my flight-I just stopped by to say goodbye."

"No, no, no" she whispered as he released her and began to stand.

"I'll be back soon, ok?" He smiled, standing up.

"Please, Ian..."

"Geez, even Alex doesn't get this emotional" Ian chuckled.

"Please..."

"Tell you what, after this one, I'll take a vacation just for you, ok? We'll go out, me, you and Alex. I'll take you guys somewhere nice, somewhere like...The Great Barrier Reef, that place is beautiful, or we could go to Cape Town, or The Great Wall"

"No, I just want you to stay home. I just want you to be _here_, with _us_."

"I'll be home soon. I promise" he whispered, leaning over a bit. He brushed a finger across her cheek and kissed her so gently and properly on the forehead, that one could have easily mistaken it for just another friendly kiss. But both Ian and Jack knew...it was much more.

Jack closed her eyes softly as his soft lips came in contact with her skin.

"I promise" she heard him whisper, and yet it was so clear that she felt as though he was right next to her ear. And for a second she wondered if he actually was next to her ear. But when she opened her eyes, her room was empty, and Ian was gone. Her room was just as it was before his visit. Nothing had moved an inch from where it belonged, even the door was closed. And if Jack didn't know any better, she would have thought it was all just a dream. But she knew this was a habit of Ian's. He was here one moment and the next moment...gone. But he'd be alright...he'd be back. He promised, right? He had to be back.

Almost Lover was just starting to fade away. Yes, he'd be back. Ian Rider always came back.

Jack Starbright's Almost Lover.

**Alright, hope that came out alright, hope no one was too OC or anything like that. The actual Song-Fic is going to be in the next chapter; yes this is a two-shot. So I hope you guys liked this enough to stick around for the next chapter =] And if you haven't heard A Fine Frenzy's Almost Lover, then please, go listen to it. It's an absolutely amazing song =]**

**Hope you guys picked up that one line where Ian mentions he's going to Cornwall, which means the Stormbreaker mission, which *sighs* unfortunately means bye bye Ian. So for those of you who know the song, I'm sure you know how this is going to tie into the second chapter.**

******Cyber love for those, who like myself and Jack can or at any point of their lives could relate to this incredible song =] **

******Reviews are appreciated!!!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Hey guys! This took me a little longer than I'd said it would but a little thing called life gave me a call and demanded why I hadn't been reporting for duty for the past coupla months...Anywho I finally finished it and this chapter is the actual songfic so please, Enjoy! =D**

Jack Starbright felt terrible. Once again she was in one of those moods where she was upset and frustrated beyond even her own comprehension without any way to release it whatsoever. And as usual, the reason behind it was Ian. He was always the reason for these moods of hers.

But this time, he wasn't leaving for a business trip, being ignorant of her affection or even doing something to annoy her. No. He was dead. Ian Rider was gone..._forever. _Just that thought itself was enough to kill Jack inside. It was just so unrealistic, Ian being dead. He was Ian for crying out loud! The man that came home from business trips beaten and bruised, the one that had defended her from countless attacks over the course of the years. He just couldn't be dead. And yet he was. Killed in a car crash on the way back from a "mission."

Jack still couldn't believe he was an MI6 agent. She always knew there was more to his business trips than he had led on. Still, it came as a bit of a surprise. He was like...the real life James Bond, and he didn't tell anyone. He didn't tell her...he didn't tell _her. _

Jack had gone through his will, his documents...his posthumous letters. He loved her. He loved her very much and he hadn't told her. Couldn't tell her, couldn't even love her straight all because of his work. He couldn't _love_ her. And that was probably what hurt the most.

Jack let out a strangled cry to the cold emptiness of her room. She drew her legs closer to herself and allowed a new wave of tears flow down her cheeks. Everything was all wrong. Ian had broken his promise. He'd broken the promise, the last words he ever spoke to her and died. Alex had been dragged into join MI6 and she was all alone. It was all just so _wrong_. She looked up from her knees and spotted, laying at the corner of her bed was the remote to her stereo. Right where she'd thrown it a week or so back...when Ian was still with her...Just that single thought sent her plummeting once again. And without even thinking, she reached for the remote and turned the stereo on.

And the second the first note of the song sounded around her room, a sickening feeling erupted in the pit of Jack's stomach. She suddenly remembered what song it was that she'd last listened to and who was with her when she'd listened to it. It made her so sick, she almost was physically ill on the spot. She threw the remote at the wall with all the strength in her body, shattering it in her frustration. And yet she made no move to stop the song. She just closed her eyes and listened. Listened and thought.

_**Your fingertips across my skin**_

_Your sweet touch...the feel of your hug, the smell of your Davidoff cologne, those lingering touches from time to time, your support, your comfort, everything about you, I can still remember. As if it was just yesterday I'd last seen and felt you._

_**The palm trees swaying in the wind, Images**_

_All the vacations, all the memories, all the places I'd ever gone with you. From the kitchen cooking dinner together to the beaches of Australia. All of it._

_**You sang me Spanish lullabies**_

_All the talks, all the advice, all the comfort and support you'd given me. Your soft, smooth, and perfectly accented voice that I could listen to for hours. _

_**The sweetest sadness in your eyes clever trick**_

_You spoke in the softest tones that almost mesmerized me when you spoke to me. The sweetest sadness in your expression that made me always feel like you knew just what I meant. Feel just like you were speaking with as much love as I was. A rather smart thing to do._

_**Well I'd never want to see you unhappy**_

_I loved you...and I'd never...ever want to see you unhappy. Part of the reason why I used to slave myself to make everything just perfect for you._

_**I thought you'd want the same for me**_

_I thought you'd always want me to be happy too. I thought you'd always want me to smile. After all, you did love me too, right? But now here I am, crying, crying for you because you're gone and nothing will ever be the same again. And now, now that I know of your love, you're gone._

_**Goodbye my almost lover**_

_You got to say goodbye to me...but I never got to say goodbye to you. Cruel much? Well here it is now. Goodbye Ian._

_**Goodbye my hopeless dream**_

_Goodbye to you. The one man amongst all my boyfriends that I really, truly loved. That I really wanted to go somewhere, to live the rest of my life with. And you weren't even my boyfriend. You were much...much more._

_**I'm trying not to think about you**_

_You've been dead for only a few days now...and I'm trying so hard not to think about you..._

_**Can't you just let me be?**_

_I'm need to calm down, I think I'll have some wine. Wine, Ian loved wine. It's five o' clock, Ian takes Alex to his karate lessons at five o' clock. I'm hungry, I'll order some pizza. Ian didn't like pizza very much. Something about staying fit. I think I'll watch some HBO, James Bond is on. Ian **was** James Bond. Alex is home from school. He's a spitting image of Ian. I'll clean the house-no I won't because that would involve going into Ian's room and looking at Ian's things and thinking about Ian._

_Every single thought I have leads right back to you. _

_**So long my luckless romance**_

_Goodbye, Ian. My luckless romance...if you could even call what we had a romance_

_**My back is turned on you**_

_I'm done with you. Done thinking about you. It just hurts way too much._

_**Should've known you'd bring me heartache**_

_I shouldn't be this surprised that I'm dying inside because of you. I should have seen it coming..._

_**Almost lovers always do**_

_You were my almost lover after all. What else should I have expected?_

_**We walked along a crowded street**_

_We used to walk together. You'd always find some kind of professional excuse like "We really need to go grocery shopping" or something like that to go outside. Just you and me._

_**You took my hand and danced with me, Images**_

_Actually I remember once, you saved me from a man that'd attacked us in the middle of a busy street. You explained it as "I deal with a lot of money and people that aren't as civilized as you and I." and I believed it. You then took my hand and walked very close to me all the way home. Something about if there was anyone else looking to harm you, they'd leave you alone, knowing you were with someone that could possibly call for help. Small and insignificant maybe, but still a memory I will never forget. _

_**And when you left you kissed my lips**_

_Actually you kissed my forehead and then disappeared..._

_**You told me you would never ever forget these images, No**_

_You promised you'd be back. You promised you'd stay home with me...you promised..._

_**Well I'd never want to see you unhappy**_

_I'd give and do everything in my power to keep you happy and smiling. _

_**I thought you'd want the same for me**_

_You made me believe you felt the same. But look at me now, Ian. You've done this to me._

_**Goodbye my almost lover**_

_You're making me say goodbye to you. Do you know how much that hurts me?_

_**Goodbye my hopeless dream**_

_Knowing that you felt the same way for me, knowing that we could have gone somewhere. Knowing that my dreams could have come true?_

_**I'm trying not to think about you**_

_I'm trying so hard to lessen the pain. Not think about the things that could have been_

_**Can't you just let me be?**_

_But your memory simply refuses to leave me alone_

_**So long my luckless romance**_

_I keep thinking about how you're gone. I keep thinking of the goodbye I never told you...the "I love you" I never told you._

_**My back is turned on you**_

_But no more thinking about that now...right?_

_**Should've known you'd bring me heartache**_

_Because ti's my fault. I should have seen this coming_

_**Almost lovers always do**_

_Almost lovers do tend to end things badly_

_**I cannot go to the ocean**_

_You've ruined everything. I can't go anywhere without it reminding me of you. I can't go to that grocery place near the beach without remembering you saving me from that man_

_**I cannot try the streets at night**_

_I can't go out for a walk in the quiet night without remembering how you somehow used to find me on my previous nightly excursions and talk me out of whatever depression I was in_

_**I cannot wake up in the morning**_

_And I most definitely can never...ever wake up in the morning_

_**Without you on my mind**_

_Without my first thought being "Ian's **gone**."_

_**So you're gone and I'm haunted**_

_Now you're dead, so you probably haven't got much time to stress over me. But me, I'm still alive and breathing(recently though I've had to sit down and check, just to make sure) and completely capable of drowning myself in your memory. _

_**And I bet you are just fine**_

_And you're probably in heaven. You had your quirks but you deserve to go to heaven. You were an amazing guy and you're probably just way too busy up there to remember me._

_**Did I make it that easy to walk right in and out of my life?**_

_Am I really that easy to forget?_

_**Goodbye my almost lover**_

_Bye, Ian. I'll never see you again._

_**Goodbye my hopeless dream**_

_I'll never dream about you again._

_**I'm trying not to think about you**_

_And I'm trying so hard to stop thinking about you, because I've got a life to live and your nephew to take care of_

_**Why can't you just let me be?**_

_But how am I supposed to take care of your poor underage nephew without thinking of you every single time I look into those eyes? _

_**So long my luckless romance**_

_Bye Ian. I have no time to waste thinking about what we could have been anymore._

_**My back is turned on you**_

_I'm trying to turn my back on you_

_**Should've known you'd bring me heartache**_

_Because this isn't your fault. It's mine. I should have seen all this coming from the very first moment I really looked into your eyes and noticed how handsome you were. I should have known you were going to leave me like this._

_**Almost lovers always do**_

_Because you, Ian were my almost lover. And almost lovers always do. _

Jack took a shuddering breath as the song ended. She lifted her face from her knees and suddenly realized from the dampness of it, that she'd been crying. She scrubbed her face with the heel of her hand, taking a deep breath. And for some odd reason, with the deep breath, she felt as though a weight had been taken off her shoulders. She suddenly felt very light.

_Huh, guess Ian was right, crying your heart out does make you feel better _she shrugged to herself. And then realized what she'd just done. She'd thought impulsively about Ian...without bursting into tears! Well that was certainly a good sign. Jack turned her head to look at her bedside table where framed pictures stood of her trip to the Pink Sands Beach in the Bahamas with Ian and Alex. The first was of Ian, who was wearing a body tight surf suit and herself(she was wearing a tank top and kapris.) Ian had an arm gently around her shoulder and they were both smiling broadly. The second picture was supposed to be just of herself, but at the last second, Alex and Ian had decided to lean into the shot a Rider on either side of Jack. That one always made her smile, even now. And the last was of the three of them together in a nice posed family photo of sorts. There were three copies of this picture, one in each bedroom of the house.

Jack looked at each picture before picking up the one of herself and Ian. She stared at it hard for a long time before putting it back and picking up the one of all three of them. She held the frame close. _Yes, that was much better._

Because up until this point she'd been thinking about just herself and Ian. Ignoring that Alex was still there, and in need of care. Alex was probably feeling the same as her and she was blocking him out by sitting in her room alone. They needed to work together, pull through it together.

She pulled the frame back from her chest and smiled at it, specifically at Ian's smiling image.

And most of all they had to learn to make Ian's memory a good one. She set the frame back onto her bedside table and got off her bed. She began walking towards the door, aiming to go find Alex and actually talk to him for the first time since Ian's death. But before she could step out the door, she turned back for one last glance at the picture of Ian smiling at her. She smiled back and went on her way, thoughts of him on her mind.

Thoughts of Ian Rider, Jackie Starbright's Almost Lover.

**Alright, well I hope that came out alright =] Hope it wasn't too oc and I hope the ending made somewhat sense =] **

******On a different note, for my Quondam Iterum or Savin' Me readers, don't kill me, I know I'm in no place to start a new story but I've been working really hard to get new chapters for those up, so hopefull they'll be done soon =]**

******Review! =] Love ya guys! =]**


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